Why Do We Need Boundaries Anyhow?

Updated: Mar 9

You may have heard about "Boundaries" before, but do you really understand what they are or why you NEED them?

First, let’s define a couple different boundaries:


A boundary can be a border or line on a map. For example, my boys and I are studying cartography this year in school, so we are very familiar with the ending of one country and the beginning of another because of the boundaries.

If you think about it, the very walls we have inside our home define physical space as well. There are walls that define the boundary of bedrooms, family rooms, bathrooms and so on. In Las Vegas, most of us have walls that enclose our backyards! These are physical boundaries that say THIS IN HERE is my space. It helps keep us safe.


A personal boundary can also be physical; for example, I only give hugs and kisses to certain people. These limits can also be set for our children: “You can ride your bike to the end of that driveway and then come back.” Or, “You can talk to me like this, not that.” It’s important to establish personal boundaries to protect ourselves or others from being hurt. Boundaries are the LIMITS of who we are and what we do and what behaviors we’ll accept or not. They allow us to separate who we are, and what we think and feel, from others and their thoughts and feelings.


A boundary can also help define an individual by outlining belief systems. Your spirit, mind, heart, will and body all have boundaries. And THESE are the kind of boundaries we are going to discuss here. Let's face it,


Think about King David. By all historical accounts, he was a good-looking, strong, and intelligent man who was dedicated to God. The Bible says he was a man after God’s own heart! And yet, he struggled with lust…so much so that he had an affair with his friend, Uriah's wife and then had Uriah killed! Obviously, the problem started within, a problem with his own desire!

Or, how about the Apostle Paul? He wrote in Romans chapter 7:15 that he doesn’t understand his own actions! That he doesn’t do what he wants to do but the very thing he hates! Can you sense - and empathize with - the internal struggle here of feeling divided? I know that I can!

BEFORE I GO ANY FURTHER - I want you to know that I am getting most of the material for this mini-training from the book, Boundaries for Your Soul: How to Turn Your Overwhelming Thoughts and Feelings into Your Greatest Allies. I have recommended this book to everyone for it's life changing ability!

SO, now that we’re on the same page about what boundaries ARE - basically a line between here and there - it’s time to talk about WHY we NEED them! And especially why we need them for our SOULS!

Internal boundaries strengthen the connection between the sacred place inside your soul and various parts of yourself.

When we talked about ANGER last week, we learned how it was just a PART of you! Well, we have LOTS of “parts” to ourselves and what we most often want to do is IGNORE or SUPPRESS or even CONDEMN the parts of ourselves that we don’t like. However, this ALWAYS makes things worse.

Have you ever heard “Hurt people hurt people”? Or “If you don’t heal what hurt you, you’ll bleed on those who didn’t cut you.”

LOOK: You cannot be good to others when you’re hurting inside.

So, THIS is why we need boundaries. We need to get to know the uncomfortable, overbearing, denied, or lost parts of ourselves. We need to BEFRIEND them (Wait…what? That’s right! "Love your enemies" means even the anger, jealousy, envy, and strife inside of you!), so that you can create healthy boundaries with them to be able to relate to them from a comfortable distance.* Your emotional well-being and the quality of your relationships depends on it.

*Think about a comfortable distance when you are talking to someone - close enough so you don’t have to yell, but not so close that you can count their eyebrow hairs! Or if your close friend moves away, you may feel sad and have to find ways to maintain your connection….but if another friend became overbearing, you would need to distance yourself to get some healthy space.

The best way to care for these hurting parts of your soul is to invite God’s Holy Spirit to be with them. You may find some of your emotions may be too close and seem overwhelming and some may be too far away and therefore you are out of touch with them. But, by FIRST focusing on them and recognizing them, you can start to make necessary changes!

In the next several trainings, we are going to work on identifying these strengths and areas of vulnerabilities so that you can better UNDERSTAND your anger, joy, shame, excitement, guilt, and contentment.

SO, I am going to do something I’ve never done before on a Live Mini Training….I am going to give you HOMEWORK! This is for YOUR emotional well-being and health of relationships with those closest to you! Ready? First, get a list of emotions - you can google it or I’ll attach one here - and every single day from today through next Tuesday when our next Live Mini Training will be more about your Spirit Led Self - you are going to look at that list and complete this sentence, “Right now I am feeling….” There is no right or wrong answer! You just need to START being AWARE of how you are feeling the moment you are in! Thats it! If you are willing to commit to this homework, be sure to comment and let me know!

Looking forward to connecting with you more so be sure to comment on this video and share with your friends if it’s helpful to you! THANKS!

#ConnectPointMoms helps you create stronger relational connections with the children in your life. This starts with being aware of your own stuff so you can BE PRESENT with your children in the moment you're in, and then knowing and using the best ways to communicate with them!

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